Courageous Soul
May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.
-John O’Donohue. To Bless the Space Between Us
Each December, as the year comes to an end, I take some time to reflect on the last twelve months and ask myself what I felt I got right and where I think I got sidetracked from my best intentions and either missed the mark or completely blew things. When I look at the things I had hoped to accomplish and sit with why I didn’t make them happen, it almost always comes back to being hijacked by fear.
It feels like today, more than ever, fear is pervasive, in our world, in our communities and in our souls. Many of us are afraid of failure, rejection, vulnerability, intimacy, commitment, criticism, and even love. Fears that cause us to avoid risk and hold us back from pursuing opportunities rob us of joy and the chance to live our best possible lives.
The truth is, we weren’t born with these fears. We learned fear through experiences in our lives that created beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. Fear can paralyze us physically, emotionally and spiritually. The most common thing that happens when fear is present is that we are stuck in the “I’m not” and/or “I can’t” mindset. I am not “smart” enough and therefore I can’t get that dream job or I’m not confident enough and I can’t connect with people to create strong friendships etc.
The good news is that since these fears were learned, they can also be unlearned. You are the boss of your life. You are courageous and you get to choose how to write each chapter of your story.
Here are some tools to help get your brave on:
1. Develop a mindfulness/meditation practice. Most of our fear is based on holding on to experiences that happened in the past and worrying about what might happen in the future. Set aside 5 minutes each morning to get quiet and present. Breathe. My favorite tool to help quiet my mind is Ten Percent Happier. You can try it (and many others) for free and then decide if you would like to subscribe.
2. Journal for meaning and discovery. Get curious around the things that hold you back and seem to scare you. For example, when I was young, I was pretty loud and had “ants in my pants” and I was constantly told to “settle down” and “quiet down”. When I got to adulthood, I realized that I had a fear of putting my authentic self out there because I carried with me a sense of “not worthy” around being accepted for who I was. Journaling is a great way to uncover the stories you carry from your childhood that hold you back today.
3. Ask yourself this simple question: Is it true? For me, I was holding onto a story from my childhood that kept me small and feeling not enough. When I allowed myself to look at and define the gifts that I had to offer, whether that was in relationships, friendships or my career, I became more courageous about showing up authentically.
4. Move toward your fear. The avoidance of fear and pain is the avoidance of life. When we continually avoid situations that are painful or that scare us, we compound the fear and perpetuate the belief that does not serve us. When we acknowledge and move toward the fear, we grow stronger, build resilience and self-compassion.
5. Create a personal mantra. Like the lion in The Wizard of Oz realized, courage doesn’t come from any external magic. It comes from believing that you can do the things you want to do and live the life you want to live. One of my favorite mantras is simple…it begins with I am ______________ and I can ______________. You fill in your superpowers.
6. Finally, as Mr. Rogers said, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” Surround yourself with people who love you because of your messiness and magnificence, not in spite of it. Look for like-minded groups, where honesty and authenticity are your tickets for entry. Also, check out my Bookshelf for recommendations for books that feed your soul!
Wishing you an abundance of the next best things in your life in 2020! If you would like to explore the fears that are holding you back in a safe space, please don’t hesitate to call or email me.
Brave your way on, beautiful soul.
In peace and gratitude,
Julie